


Under love's heavy burden do I sink

by allmyselfishthoughts



Category: Penny Dreadful (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2015-08-19
Packaged: 2018-04-15 07:58:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4598928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allmyselfishthoughts/pseuds/allmyselfishthoughts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was hard keep going when their secure haven was out of reach; but they found solace in an unexpected -and maybe unreal- way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Under love's heavy burden do I sink

She felt nothing. No hunger, no coldness, not even loneliness anymore. She had wasted all her energy trying to find a way to keep going without him, now she reached the level where she believed her own lie, that she didn’t missed him anymore. Or anyone else. She was like an empty shell, just a shadow of who she once was.

Sometimes she caught herself thinking about the devil’s offer, that maybe it would be better if she had accepted it. At least he would be there, she wouldn’t be lethargic, she wouldn’t be a ghost; with him she would be alive. There was only one way to escape from her currently state, and it was almost time.

Vanessa stared at the wooden door of the room that once was his and stepped inside, just like she had done all other nights –since the painful ones that she was only agony until now that she could find some relief in there, that she could _feel_ -.

The vision of the bed, the couch, everything in there gave her a glimpse of what being at home felt like. Except that he wasn’t there –he was far away, he was gone-. Her secure shore, her moors, he was out of her reach. Maybe he wasn’t on this world anymore, she couldn’t know; the thought of it was what made her surrender, to succumb into the ache that his absence had caused, to make her spirit hollow. Now that she had a slightly savour of what was being complete -being with him- it was dreadful to live without it; without his hands comforting her, without his eyes telling her all words that their mouths never managed to let out.

Her hand reached a cigarette to finally fill the room with smoke, the closest to his smell that she could get. She sat in the couch and took a deep drag, shutting her eyes; she breathed in to feel the smoke making its way to her lungs. Then her trembling fingers grasped on the needle resting over the table and adjusted it in the middle of her left arm, like the good doctor taught her. As the morphine started entering her system a sad smile spread on her face.

She finally went to bed –his bed-, lying in there and waiting for what she was craving: to sleep. To find a way to reach that place she was longing for but was nowhere else to be found, yet was right there burning through her body, through her soul.

 **~ ~ ~**  

The sunlight creeping through the crack in the stone wall reminded him of an awful reality –he was alive-. At least he was breathing. His entire body and mind had been ravished by violence and chemicals; now he had stopped resisting, stopped thinking.

Since his father got him back he was locked in the basement. From time to time he’d show up in there with some wicked doctor to take his blood to study it; or to give him shocks, to inject substances inside his veins or to watch him at the full moon. They tried to find a way to “pet” him, but after the first scientist that he had killed they tried to convince Mr. Talbot that his son was a hopeless case, a true monster. He should die.

He would gladly accept his sentence, since he was dead already. The man he was wasn’t there anymore, not now that he walked away from his only joy, the only purpose that he had on his cursed life. Back on his first days the thought of her was his solace, but the realization that he never would _truly_ be with her again became one of his tortures. So he tried hard to avoid the image of her porcelain face, the texture and the coldness of her skin, her smell, her kind eyes, her raspy voice, her soft lips. His own touched hers only once but it was impossible to let go of the taste of it, the memory of how they melted beneath his, how he felt that she loved him too. It haunted him.

Now he found a way to clean his mind, to not have to deal with the thoughts of what _–who-_ could be his only salvation; he had embraced his demons, he “lived” more as a beast than a man. He yelled and hitted his head frantically against the metallic door, when he was with handcuffs he fought against it too; the pain on his flesh was nothing because it erased for a few minutes the sorrow of his heart.

He had only one way to find relief, to escape from his reality, to go back to where he could be happy and in peace. His hands were chained now and his bloodshoot eyes stared at the violeted skin in there, almost unrecognizable. He laid his head in the damp and dirty floor shutting his eyes tightly; his lips went up to a smile.

**~ ~ ~**

Both opened their eyes at the same time. She wasn’t on “his” room anymore, and he wasn’t on that filthy cell. They were lying in the grass with the familiar cottage –the place where once they were happy together- behind them.

When their fingers intertwined they started feeling again. Their lips touched gently, but yearning. It felt real just like all other times when they met in there, in their dreams.

“My love.” Vanessa said when their lips went apart, her fingers now getting lost in his hair. He rubbed his nose against hers, his hand on her back kindly pulling her closer to end the distance between them.

“My moors.” Ethan kissed her lips once more while their chests were pressed together, pounding in the same rhythm. “I still have no clue of how we can escape forever from our _reality_.” They searched for an answer since so long now and they were afraid of having to live only inside a dream. The only life that they had since when they were apart was this one, when they were sleeping and their souls could find its way home, to each other. But when they were awake they had no strenght to fight, to feel or to believe.

“I’m sorry, we don’t have to talk about it now. Let me just hold you.” He said enfolding her tighly inside his arms. She brushed her nose against his jaw and a single tear escaped her eye.

They looked sick; Vanessa was almost only bones and skin, Ethan had bruises covering his entire body. When they were there she took care of him healing his wounds and kissing every mark of the violence that he had suffered; he used to cook for her, to massage her shoulders, to tell her stories and to plan how their life together would be when they could actually live it. They dreamed of living in a small house and having two kids, a boy and a girl. They danced, and laughed and made love in the forest, in the cottage or anywhere they wanted; it was their world, no one could find them there. It was a place only for that two unfortunate souls who found comfort in one another, that needed each other to feel whole.

But everytime they woke up everything was gone; his flesh was injured again, the dark circle around her eyes deeper and their smiles gone. Both were empty once more, wondering if what just happened could be more than a dream, if they really were together in there or if it was a trick of their sick minds. Their bet was on the second, but deeply they knew that their bond was stronger than earthly things. 

Ethan finally noticed the hesitant look on Vanessa’s face.

“What is it, Van?” she buried her face in his neck to avoid his eyes.

“Nothing.” She lied.

“You don’t fool me.” Silence; he pulled her chin up and cupped her face. She should know by now that she couldn’t hide anything from him anymore; her voice was feeble when she started to say out loud what she’s been considering.

“It’s just... maybe there’s only one way out for us.” Her words stopped, but he waited. “Maybe we should sleep forever.”

“Do you mean...”

“Exactly. This way we can stay here. I can’t be sure, but it might be the only solution for us. We don’t have a life anymore, but here. We are ghosts in the real world, here we are free of pain, we are alive.” _And together,_ both thought, but there was no need to say it. They knew. 

“And if it doesn’t work?” he asked.

“I don’t know, we’d be taking a risk.” He smiled softly at her and rested his forehead against hers. They had nothing left to lose, and perhaps something to gain.

“Then I want to risk.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a random drabble that I wrote in a boring class, it might be a bit messed up and rushed so I apologize ^^"  
> The title is a Romeo and Juliet line. xx


End file.
